Promises
by Gaby Black
Summary: Oneshot. Lily, James and Snape have made promises, but you can't always keep your word. The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep. JPLE, SSLE, angst.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Harry Potter universe, JK Rowling does. I don't own the lyrics at the beginning, they are Eric Clapton's, and the poem at the end, it's Robert Frost's.

**Author's note:** Please leave a review! Thanks.

* * *

**Promises**

_She took my hand_

_And tried to make me understand_

_That she would always be there,_

_But I looked away_

_And she ran away from me today;_

_I'm such a lonely man._

_It came as no surprise to me_

_That she'd leave me in misery._

_It seemed like only yesterday_

_She made a vow that she'd never walk away._

* * *

The green eyes locked with his. The emerald window to Lily's soul. The way to her heart that he knew James Potter was already taking. He had tried, but it had always seemed to him he was fighting a lost battle. Deep inside, he had always known he could never have Lily; he had only hoped. But hope had deceived him. 

He looked at her, and he tried not to see Potter's hand holding hers. He tried not to see the way he was grinning at her, and her own smile, sweet and happy.

It is true that, when she had seen him, her smile had faded slightly, as though she might feel a bit guilty. But Potter, on the contrary, had put an arm around her waist protectively.

Snape sneered at the thought that James Potter might believe he was a danger. Like he could destroy their love.

Because he had finally accepted it. Lily Evans and James Potter were in love with each other. There was no more denying, but there was still the suffering. Pain, he knew, would last forever. Because someone he hated had taken his flower away, had robbed him of the only source of joy in his life. Because the only thing that kept him alive now was the glimpses he could catch of her, every once in a while, even though she wouldn't talk to him.

He had destroyed everything that doomed June afternoon in fifth year. They were too different, Lily had said. It was over, in spite of the feelings, in spite of their childhood's promises.

It was their last day at Hogwarts. Students were lingering on the grounds. He was sitting under a tree on his own, watching as Lily and James passed by, surrounded by their friends. They were strolling towards the lake, chatting and laughing, being everything that Snape would never be, and having everything that Snape would never have.

As they passed him by, Potter released Lily's hand and turned to him. Lily's eyes widened and she shook her head.

But she should not worry; Potter couldn't hurt him. He could not hurt him more than he had already done.

Potter nodded at Lily reassuringly, and stepped towards him. Lily and the others slowly walked away. Potter stood in silence in front of Snape, in all his handsome glory, looking down at him. Snape squinted his eyes and studied Potter's face as they both waited for Lily to be out of earshot.

"You had your chance," Potter said quietly.

That was when he saw something in Potter's eyes that should not be there: pity.

"What difference does it make?" Snape snapped. "I'd rather die than have you pitying me."

Potter made to say something, but closed his mouth and shook his head. They remained in tense silence for a while.

"Lily doesn't know," Potter suddenly blurted out. "I don't want her to worry."

Snape had to agree. He looked away.

"You know I hate you, and I know you hate me; I don't think that will ever change," Snape said steely. "But take care of her."

Potter looked at him gravely. "I will. I promise."

And as Snape looked up into Potter's bright hazel eyes, he believed him.

And Snape made a promise of his own, but a promise to himself, that no one would ever know about. He vowed to himself that he would do anything to protect Lily, while staying out of her life, as she wanted him to.

But just like Lily had broken her promise, made when they were eleven, that they would always be friends, Snape was unable to keep that promise. It hurt him to think that, in the end, the only one who had been true to his word was James Potter. Finally, he admitted that, maybe, Potter had been worthy of Lily, after all.

* * *

In the deep of the night, Snape raised his wand. He knew that somewhere, in this forest, Harry Potter was waiting. Snape remembered his promise and closed his eyes. He thought of that day after the end of their first year at Hogwarts, when Lily had hugged him. He wished he could remember her scent. 

"_Expecto Patronum_."

Snape opened his eyes and gave a small, sad smile at the sight of the silver doe.

The proof that Lily Evans still lived in his heart.

* * *

_The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,_

_But I have promises to keep,_

_And miles to go before I sleep,_

_And miles to go before I sleep._

(Robert Frost).


End file.
